Podcast: Where do we find our identity? This week we dive into what it means to have an image rooted in God.
The human heart keeps within it simultaneously desire and shame. The birth of shame directs us toward that moment in which the inner [wo]man, "the heart," closing [her]self to what "comes from the Father," opens to what "comes from the world."-A Fundamental Disquiet in All Human Existence Pope John Paul II, GENERAL AUDIENCE, 28 MAY 1980
I have this special friend. We don't get to spend a lot of time together, but when we do she speaks these incredible truths to me this one being the first and it changed my life.
Think about what you say to yourself in the mirror. I am waiting.
Now think about your child saying those things about themselves when they look in the mirror...That stings right. It made my gut twist immediately.
Then she said " Now think about how God feels when you say those things about you. HE created you. He made you exactly the way he wanted you. He loves you so much."
3 Things happened to me in that moment.
1. I saw God as a parent for the first time or I related to God as a parent for the first time
2. I never want my children to look at their bodies and say the things I say
3. I HAVE to start talking about myself better
What my friend didn't know was that morning I cried when I saw myself in the mirror. My friend didn't know that I told myself every day every chance I got that I was disgusting. My friend didn't know that I had a hard time relating to God as my Father, but I understood the love of a Parent. My friend in that moment changed the way I started to look at myself, talk to myself, and how to relate to God my Father.
I had this image of looking at myself in a full length mirror and God my Father looking at me the way I look at my children. I thought about the way I try to memorize my sons nose at every age. I thought about how big my son's blues eyes are. I thought about my daughter's sweet little smile and then imagined God thinking those same thoughts about me. That thought alone was so new to me. To imagine that God would take his time out to look at me, much less gush over me like I do my children. The thought still fills me with so much joy my heart swells. I think that in my mind before that day I had put God in thsi very surface "Jesus Loves Me" kind of way. That Jesus loves all of us, but never really felt like Jesus, God our Father, loved ME. Like I was way to small for God to ever notice me or spend time on me. I just didn't know that God loved me that intensely. That truth cahnges things.
I had this moment when I finally realized that God gave me this incredible gift of body and spirit and I was treating it so terribly. I was striving so hard to have this relationship with the Holy trinity, but i was treating my body like crap. I didn't eat well. I never worked out. I put myself at the bottom of every list and just gave until I had nothing left. I was 40 lbs over weight and I didn't feel good most of the time.
I made a decision to try to fall in love with the same girl that God loved. It is a work in progress and everyday I have to recommit myself to talking nicer to myself, making myself a priority , and spending time with My Father to see what else he says I am.